your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
