barbara walters just said penis...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
