I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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