we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
