Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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