Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
