Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
