You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
