she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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