Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
