we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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