his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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