It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
