She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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