I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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