Betty ford says i'm here all night
Small penises have feelings too.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
