Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
