Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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