The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ttyl tear gas
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
