i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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