i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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