just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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