Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
