I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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