the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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