I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
