You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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