When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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