My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
