You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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