After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
