you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
two words...techno handjob
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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