You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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