I heard we made out
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
