Define "chronic" masturbator.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize