Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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