dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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