Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
