Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
