When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
People with herpes should wear stickers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
