guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
