The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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