my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
