Will you blow on my dice?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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