I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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