Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
