Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Two words: blizzard sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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