Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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