Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
