So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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