Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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