Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
