I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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