Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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