Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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