omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
