Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
