can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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