I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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