is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
People in love make me want to vomit
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The struggles of a small town man whore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
